Pet Pouri

Sometimes I feel a bit like my dad, which is a good thing when it comes to my love for animals. Stu is a legendary animal lover and there were always countless dogs and cats running all over his house.

My oldest daughter, Jade, recently bought for me a black siamese fighting fish and for some odd reason she insisted I name it Gord. Maybe she thought a siamese fighting fish would fit in well with my pug, Coombs, a descendent from a long line of ancient chinese fighting dogs. Coombs’ cute girlfriend, who happens to be Jade’s dog, is a black and tan long haired Chihuahua with a fiery latin temper that keeps him virile. Luckily it’s impossible for them to have puppies because I have no doubt they’d be pretty strange looking.

The attraction surely has nothing to do with the fact that he’s a wrestler’s dog or that he’s actually starred on Celebrity Pets! Not to mention an appearance with Jan Arden and Joe Clark where Coombs held his own drinking beer and swapping old war stories with the one time PM.

I also have a disheveled and scrappy country cat named Smokey who’s been widowed several times on account of the coyotes. My youngest daughter, Beans, rectified the situation for him and now I have a cute calico kitten named Sophie.

The other day I went for a stroll near my house, which I do often since walking is important for my rehabilitation. This time I was amused to find that not only were the dogs following me but so was Smokey and the little kitten too. It was on my return home that I was stopped by one of my neighbors who was shocked to find that I walk not just my dogs but my cats too!

I’ve come to think of them as the Clawed Squad.

People don’t know this and it’s the first time I’m telling anyone but I’m not completely out of wrestling.

I’ve been secretly teaching my dogs pro wrestling. No, I don’t condo ne dog fighting, what I teach is a more catch as catch can style with flips, rolls, working the body parts and the occasional flying head butt.

Heated negotiations are in the works for them to possibly debut on the undercard at The Bowness Sportsplex much like in the old Stampede days when my dad brought in a wrestling bear as a novelty. But Coombs has his sights set on appearing at next year’s Wrestlemania because he has no doubt that Vince wouldn’t hesitate to air his take on Survivor Series ‘97 too.

There’s always the possibility that Coombs and his valet, Chi-Chi, could take a run down to Mexico where professional dog wrestling has been going on for years. Possibly under a mask as the Golden Amigo.

I’m sure there are people who are more than skeptical that my dog Coombs can actually wrestle but I assure you that he can deliver drop kicks that are chest high and all you have to do is check with numerous FedEx delivery people who have found themselves upside-down in the hedge with Coombs teeth gently pressing on their jugulars waiting for those magic words of mine, “Let ‘em up, Combs!”. Or even last week when a wide-eyed and somewhat terrified Tie Domi tore up my street with a shredded pant cuff after casually joking that dog wrestling was mostly all fake.

And it doesn’t surprise me to learn from my neighbors that the coyotes are afraid to roam the neighborhood any more, not to mention the fact that my Clawed Squad has run off one stubborn porcupine and a pot bellied pig with an attitude.

Although Coombs is more of a show dog and is considered to be more of a worker than a shooter, in a loser leaves the neighborhood match with the pit bull from across the street Coombs sent him packing by beating him via count out.

Coombs is hitting the bag pretty hard and if you drive by my house you may see him hanging from a contraption in the front yard doing upside-down sit ups because there’s a good chance he’ll be strutting his stuff preparing for a pose down at the upcoming Calgary Pugfest on August 11th, where he’ll be happy to give you a paw print as his autograph and a lick on the face.

And never forget the ancient Chinese proverb that warns, even a rhinoceros retreats but never a pug!

Have a good weekend.